Feeling Great! Newsletter

 
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Marital Magic

 

What is the secret to lasting love? You won't 
find it on any popular sitcom. There are no
magazines where you can learn it. The fact is
it's no big secret. If you were a fly on the
wall in the home of a happy couple you might
even miss it, unless you were paying very
close attention. It is so obvious and yet so 
easy to miss.

In a study with several thousand happy couples we distilled the facts from the hype. It turns out 
that marital happiness is the product of the
subtler moments throughout a couple's week.

A great marriage can be yours in less than 5 
hours a week. How can that be so? Listen up
while we show you what happy couples have taught us. Anyone can benefit from these relationship jewels. If you are newly married, it's a great time to establish these habits and if you've been married 20 years you will be relieved at the simplicity of rekindling your relationship.

Happy couples part company with a positive send-off. One or both spouses travel to a workplace every day, or one may go shopping or leave for a meeting at church.

Each parting is an opportunity that contented
couples take advantage of. And it does not have 
to be dramatic.

In fact, a kiss, a pat on the back or a smile 
while saying goodbye does the trick!

On the flip side, upon return from activities, 
happy couples come back together in a positive
manner. Each person acknowledges the other in some affirming way.

Couples involved in a fulfilling relationship 
take a moment each day to show their appreciation for who the other person is and what they bring into the world. This can be as simple as saying, “My, you look very nice today.” to “I love the kind of parent you are to our children.” Additionally, remind yourself to think nice things about your partner every day.

Express affection daily. A hand on the shoulder, 
a kiss on the cheek or a hug tickles the intimacy
strings and helps maintain a strong connection.

Happy couples continue to date each other, even years into the relationship. Have you had a date this week? It doesn’t always have to be the traditional date.

Life becomes hectic and full. A date may simply 
be quiet time in the evening for the two of you. 
Turn off the phone, the TV and make sure the
children are locked in their rooms (smile).

Continue to go out on dates too. A little change 
in geography can be refreshing to the relationship.

Dates are times for fun and frolic and also can 
be used to come to understand who your partner is today. We all grow and change over time.
Occasionally date time is a time to cover more
sensitive topics, which require troubleshooting
and sharing tougher feelings.

There you have it! No rocket science - just 
simple, subtle but powerful ways to maintain or
rebuild connection in your relationship.

Here they are again:

  1. Part well

  2. Come back together well

  3. Express admiration and appreciation

  4. Show affection daily

  5. Have date time

Put the magic back into your relationship 
starting today. Don’t wait, now is the time to act!








 


Dave Turo-Shields (email)
Veteran Psychotherapist, Trainer & Life Coach

www.CounselingPros.com
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Overcoming-Depression.com
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Quote

 

"In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer."

Norman Wright and Gary Oliver

Ask Dave

QUESTION

I have struggled with depression for about 16 years now.  I guess my question is: can the marriage be saved if he can better understand what I was going through.  I better understand what it must have been like for him.  We have 3 small children and I do love him. Is there any hope?
 Anonymous

ANSWER - 

Hello,

Your husband's understanding is one important piece to this puzzle.  The other factor is forgiveness.  It's okay to approach him and share what you've learned about depression and its impact on your marriage. 

Take full responsibility for your recovery.  Additionally, take full responsibility for the consequences depression has had on your relationship.

I know you never wished this upon yourself or your husband, so begin with working towards self-forgiveness.  Then ask your husband if he is willing to forgive you.

Fight for your marriage.  Don't make it easy to divorce.  Make him take a second look.  Surprise him with the woman you know you are... and the woman he believed was there when he first courted you.   

Warmly,

Dave Turo-Shields

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