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Why Do We Hurt The Ones We Love?

Have you ever been involved with an upsetting argument in the past with someone close to you like a friend, family member, or spouse? Of course you have, most everyone has had been upset with people they love.

What is ironic about these arguments is that we tend to say things in the heat of the moment to our loved ones that hurt their feelings. Many arguments that we have with the people close to us in our lives are ones that we wouldn't even have with a stranger.

So why is it that when we are angry we tend vent this anger out to another person that is almost always somebody close to us like our spouse, our kids, or a close friend? Why is it that sometimes we treat strangers better than we treat our own family and friends?

It is obvious that anger does not look very loving when it is coming out. The ironic part about getting upset is that we do it most often to the people we love the most in our lives. There are times when we are having a hard time at home with our spouse or kids and treat strangers better than we are treating our family.

You see, the reason why we tend to show more of our anger towards our loved ones is because the more love that you feel towards a person, the more open your heart is. And the more open you are, the more vulnerable you will become to those you love. This is where the protective emotion of anger comes in.

When we choose to stay in a long term relationship and marry someone, all of our intentions are usually the very best. Most people do not plan on getting together only to have violent arguments and psychologically damaging each other. We happen to get into these senseless scenarios by being blinded and consumed by our fear and anger.

What starts out as anger quickly moves into violence when it stimulates retaliation and revenge. You have to be emotionally healthy in order to avoid these painful consequences.

You must always be conscious of your choices and be aware of your actions. Try to feel compassion while experiencing strong emotions. If you want to keep yourself and your loved ones safe during high emotional and stressful situations, then you must reach this point of mental awareness.



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~~ Anonymous Author


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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Written by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW, CEC
President, CounselingPros.com, Kenosis Counseling, Inc.
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Indianapolis, Indiana USA 46217
(c) Copyright 2005 CounselingPros.com, Inc.